The Dreaded Weight-Loss Post...

I've been blogging for about 3 years. And I've never talked about this. Not once. This, being weight loss. I might have mentioned little things, like "oh I'm really going to try to work out!" or things like that. But this topic is really part of who I am, well more like, the need for weight loss-is a big part of who I am. And I think I've never talked about it because I didn't want to accept it, or I just didn't think it was a big deal.

But now I'm talking about it because I'm finally serious about change.

I've always been heavier. I remember being bribed with $10.00 for every pound I lost when I was eight years old. Back then, I didn't think much of it, and it really didn't have much effect on me then (thank goodness). I just thought, Oh yep I should lose weight! But now that I think back on it, I can't think of a more horrible thing-bribing an EIGHT year old to lose weight. 

But now I am almost 17 years old, and I am doing this for ME. Not because my mom says I should. Or the doctor says I should. But because I know that the ugly truth is- if I want to FULLY live life, I need to do this. For real. 

As we've looked at my weight patterns starting from when I was about 8 or 9, on average, I've gained 15 pounds per year, without fail. And I still am gaining. It is out of control. The only time I broke this pattern was when I was in between 5th and 6th grade, instead of 15 lbs, I gained FIFTY pounds in that year. And that was the year we moved from Mesa to Queen Creek. That is the apitamy of my life right there- whenever there's change or hard times or stressful times, or anything like that-I react with food and bad habits. 

I will always and forever question why THIS had to be my trial in life, but it is, and I need to deal with it and respond appropriately. 

Going back to what I said earlier, I kind of joke that I've been on Weight Watchers since I was about 8. I've probably stopped and re-started it about 10 times. I would go for a few weeks, lose about 10 pounds then quit, and the cycle would start again about a year later. But when I think about it, when i WAS doing the program for real, it worked! and it teaches you how to eat CORRECTLY and the correct AMOUNT of food to eat. Not just eat this, this, and this to lose weight FAST...(then gain it back a month later). 

So my point is, I've decided to do it again. But this time, I'M the one who's choosing to do it and who ACTUALLY wants it to work. I'LL be doing the 30 min. drive every week with MY gas money and I'LL be the one paying for it every week. I know this will keep me motivated to go and confirm to me that this is MY choice. 

I've always wanted to lose weight more than anything in the world. Ever since I can remember, every birthday blowing out the candles, I would think, "I wish I was skinny". So I don't lack the desire or the motivation. I also know HOW to lose weight and I have the means and I'm totally capable. So honestly, I don't know what it actually is that I lack and why I've never been successful, but this journey is going to be figuring it out what it was that I lacked and hopefully I'll have IT (whatever IT is) when I'm successful. 

But for now, all I can do is TRY. And try harder than I've ever tried.

and for the past week and 2 days, I've done nothing but TRY. and my first week, I lost 1.6. It's not that much, but it's a START. and I know that the slower I lose it, the longer I'll keep it off. And the point of this is to not only lose weight, but to also train my body to get used to less food. And it will be hard at first (I already know this because it HAS been hard, the last week and 2 days), but I've realized that it's all about the end result. And even though I may be hungry in the moment, I've already noticed that as the days go on, the less hungry I become. My body is already responding:) and that's my goal. 

So I'll be doing the Weight Watchers program which is a simple yet leniant point-system, and on top of that, I have a few rules for myself. They are: 

#1: no eating past 6pm. This is extreme but it all has to do with planning my meals and when I eat them, and it's worked. I've always tended to make extra-bad food choices at night, so I really think this will help. This also makes waking up in the morning SO much easier knowing that I did good the day before, and I can't mess everything all up, and I need to start the day putting GOOD food in my body. That goes into the next one.... 

#2: Don't eat anything that is not doing my body any good, no matter how few points it may be. My food choices have been really conscious and I'm really trying to choose foods from the basic food groups and hardly any crap, when before all I would eat is crap and processed food-like substances. And it's true what they say...old habits die hard. reeeeally hard.

#3: Drink TONS of water. We're talking like 80 oz a day! Man I've been peeing like Seabiscuit lately, but drinking a lot of water makes me feel so good! 

Well... that is basically it! Like I said, it's HARD! but i NEED to do it. I'll post every monday (weigh in day) with my results of how I did for that week. I think that will be a good way for me to stay accountable!

Wish me luck!:)