The Awkward Just-graduated-high-school-but-haven't-started-college-yet Phase

Wow, I haven't blogged in quite some time, therefore this new Blogger format looks slightly confusing. It looks like Blogger's trying to become more like Tumblr or any of those other hipster social networking sites that I know nothing about. Oh well...I sit here on the computer (like I've been doing a lot as a person fallen victim to the awkward just-graduated-high-school-but-haven't-started-college-yet phase) and I feel like I have nothing to do, yet so much to do.

I've felt rather strange the past couple weeks, knowing that I'm done with high school. But I would say it's 99% relief, maybe 1% thinking that I'm going to miss it. High school was a very shaping and adventurous time for me, but I'm so glad that I will never have to deal with the drama, immaturity, ignorance, busy work, and stress that comes with high school. Now I know that in life, you'll never avoid such annoyances completely, but being in one place for four years, you just get sick of it. Sick of the people, teachers, staff (even if such people were really great - which, at my school, I did get to know some really awesome people). I just am ready for a change. A new adventure.

When I weigh in my mind which is better... Being overwhelmed with school, homework, performances, college planning, etc, during the school year, or having nothing to do during the summer and the feeling of having no purpose, I begin to wonder what life really means. During the school year I would constantly remind myself, "Just hold out until summer. Endure to the end. You won't have a care in the world and everything will be great and stress-free." And now that summer's here, I tell myself, "Wait until August. Then you'll finally be able to get into the productive swing of things." After reflecting on this nonsense, I've realized that I can choose to be happy during the busy times by being grateful that I have so many opportunities, and I can also be happy during the boring times by choosing to enjoy the relaxation. I don't always have to be miserable and complaining :)

So far my summer has consisted of browsing (for hours probably) on Pinterst, teaching a piano lesson here and there, laying out in the pool while trying to convince myself it is ok to maybe look like a Dorito), and stressing about college enrollment yet doing nothing about it. Okay, maybe that's a lie... I have called, emailed, asked questions, tried to get the financial situation smoothed over. But it's rather difficult when nobody is helpful! For those of you who don't know my college plans, I'm going up to NAU in August as a music major. And frankly, NAU has been terrible so far about answering questions, clearing confusion, etc. But hopefully when I go to New Student Orientation next week, all my questions will be answered, confusion will be ironed out, and stress will be relieved...that is, until the first day that classes start in August. :)

In the meantime, I desperately need to come up with some structured schedule for the rest of the summer. Let's face it. Going to bed at 1 a.m every night, waking up at 11 every morning, eating crap food all day long, sitting on my butt wallowing in my satisfaction that I no longer have any obligation to anyone in that hell-hole called Queen Creek High School all make me feel like garbage, crap, poop, any other word you'd like to call it. I need to...Get active. Start eating better. Function off to-do lists again (can't deny it--they help me be my best), even if the tasks I have "to do" are self explanitory, like "take a shower....call NAU about x, y, z." I NEED STRUCTURE!

So when I'm in my first year of college and crumbling under stress, I should come back to this post and remind myself how I crumble when I have no stress, too! Ahhhh life.

While I'm thinking about it, I think I'll share some great Pins that I've come upon that have motivated me to get off my booty. Maybe after that, I'll share some other pins of scrumptious looking desserts!

Oh yeaaaah...I'm going to Newport Beach in T-minus 22 days. Hmm...22 days. Let's see what I can do, ehh? :)

Philosophical Thoughts From a Sleep Deprived Student

It is 1:30 a.m. A school night. And I am awake.

Considering the fact that tomorrow, I am obligated to wake up MORE than 8 minutes before I have to leave because I have to dress up to speak in Seminary conference, I know I must continue to sit here at the computer and waste time. How does that make sense, you may ask? Well, I find that when I get a full 6-8 hours of sleep, it is so painfully difficult to drag myself out of bed into the unholy hours of the morning. But when I go to sleep at even more unholy hours (like 2 or 3 am), I shoot straight out of bed a couple hours later and feel ready to tackle the day. Anyone else experience this strangeness? So, knowing that I shouldn't go to bed yet for my own benefit at wakey-wake time, I've decided I must sit here and blog. About what? Great question! Well, I just finished preparing my talk for Seminary conference. I chose to speak on President Eyering's talk because I feel the messages therein are so important for myself and all youth to always remember throughout the often difficult trials of life. However, I also deeply considered speaking on President Uchtdorf's talk entitled The Merciful Obtain Mercy. If you didn't already hear the talk, or you choose not to read the whole thing, at least read this:

That is all now for now, folks.

Oh and P.S. please remember one last thing:

"Be kind. For everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

P.P.S. Any prayers on my behalf that I will be able to wake up tomorrow morning BEFORE 5:57am (I walk out the door at 6:10) would be greatly appreciated:)

Time Flies...Upcoming Changes...The Trek

I've basically forgotten that I even have a blog and looking back on my posts, it's startling to know that my last post was nearly a year ago. It's almost April of my senior year, and boy does time fly. I'll soon be turning 18...the age I always dreamed of but never imagined I would reach. As I sit here in my quiet house in our dark office, procrastinating going to sleep, I can't imagine a better time to reflect on my life thus far and my life to come in the very near future, and how stark the contrast of the two will be. I'll be going up to NAU in August to study choral music education and I couldn't be more thrilled for the change.

No feeling other than total gratitude floods my heart as I think of all that I've been blessed with recently. I have had numerous opportunities to perform and share my passion for music with many people in different areas of church and school. I've taken seriously my efforts in singing and successfully auditioned and been admitted to the music programs at U of A, NAU, and ASU. I was 3rd chair alto in my regional choir and more shockingly 1st chair alto in the Allstate choir. I am so glad to know that all of my recent joy has stemmed from music and the talents that God has blessed me with and I couldn't be more excited to start studying music in-depth in college.

Today was my final day of a great two-week long spring break and surprisingly, I spent the day sleeping and trying to recover from the pioneer trek I participated in on Wednesday through Friday. For those who don't know what a pioneer trek is, we basically don pioneer clothing, push hand carts through rugged terrain for many miles a day, and experience what our pioneer ancestors went through by leaving the world and living as they did for a few days.

I had many reasons not to go on this trek: I am almost 18 (completed with the Church's youth program); most of my friends are 18 and wouldn't be going; I had already been on a trek when I was 14; I was going to be on a special girl time during the days of the trek; I still had things to take care of with college enrollment & housing; I could have been home doing school work, teaching piano, making money, applying for scholarships, etc....I mean, the list goes on and on. And honestly, I couldn't think of one reason TO go. But I strongly felt that I needed to go and so last minute, I headed to Goodwill on Tuesday night to figure out what the heck I would wear on this thing and quickly prepared for what would be the hardest few days ahead of me. I will spare my readers (if I even have any?) the lengthy details of what went on during the trek but what I will do is express my gratitude towards my Heavenly Father for giving me the extra push to go. The trek and the experiences I had on it changed my life and gave me the sealing witness that the gospel is true before I soon go out on my own where I won't have my family or community to encourage me to live the gospel. And between you and me, during the time when I was planning on not going, I felt sort of guilty to Heavenly Father for receiving an outpouring of blessings and yet being so self centered that I couldn't sacrifice 3 days to receive spiritual upliftment. But with a set of swollen black-girl lips and a tomato face later, I sit here in gratitude for the blisters, sunburns, and sore muscles I received, because "in extremes, we draw closer to God."

Well folks, that will be all for now. I genuinely want to be better at posting on here, mainly for selfish reasons since blogging is a good way to journal. But knowing myself, senioritis will get in the way of doing anything productive over the next couple months, and the next time you'll hear from me may be when I'm up at NAU...who knows? So for now, Goodnight!
-Haylee

Endure to the End

They say junior year is your hardest year.......oh boy are they right. I really hope and pray that next year is not as stressful as this year has been. Don't get me wrong, I did make a crazy transition from sophomore year, having no honors classes- to junior year, taking on almost all honors classes, so I brought most of the stress upon myself. But I believe that a lot of this stress is due to having to worry about college.

I just took the SAT yesterday, and boy was it tedious. Yes, tedious is a good word. Not difficult or impossible, but long, exhausting, brain-frying, and tedious. And how do I think I did? ehh i don't know, to be honest. Toward the end, after sitting in a chair for 4 hours with one hour to go, something in my brain kept whispering, "haylee. it doesn't matter what 'the speaker of this passage feels concerning the profound effect of cave art on mankind.' YOU DON'T NEED TO CARE!!" and i decided to just leave a lot of questions blank, instead of guessing and for sure getting points knocked off for wrong answers--which were basically unavoidable because of the handicapped state of my brain at that point.

So the SAT is done, the AP lit. test is done (wow, i don't even want to begin to discuss THAT one....my brain will probably go into a panic attack if i do)... now i just have to worry about the 3 major projects that are all due next week that I am way behind on. Oh wait, you want to know what they are, do you?

Well one, is a project in chemistry where I have to present to my class research I performed on the chemistry of cosmetics. soooo exciting, i know. secondly, I have to give a 55 minute presentation (yes there are supposed to be two 5's) to my english class about my approach to a novel, including research on what other people thought on it as well (so i basically have to talk about a book about a book for an hour). And even better-the book I read is about a mother who breastfeeds her son until the age of 14, (yes the 1 is supposed to be there). And the last wonderful project is a 10 page research/opinion paper on whether I think America is an exceptional country or not. And this lovely thing is counting as my final exam, so it will comprise 20% of my grade in my history class. oh and of course, there's regular final exams to worry about as well.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. breeeeeeeeeeathe. two and a half weeks left.

who's glad they're not me?

soulmate

recently while listening to my ipod on shuffle, a song came on that i hadn't heard in a while. it was a song i downloaded when i was in 8th grade, and i claimed it to me my life's lament. that song was Soul Mate by natasha bedingfield. the main jist of the song goes something along the lines of, "who doesn't long for someone to hold who knows how to love you without being told...somebody tell me why i'm on my own, if there's a soul mate for everyone..." something like that. at the time i felt like i was the only one of my friends who didn't have a boyfriend or who wasn't making out behind the dumpsters at lunch. middle school is a depressing time for an awkward chubbers like myself, and high school isn't much better! i mean i can say that i've blossomed a bit and i definitely know a lot more about myself and those around me, but i still haven't had the greatest luck with guys, and the one relationship i was in ended in sadness, insecurity and desperation.

But something struck me as i listened to the sappy little complaint song that i lived by in 8th grade: we are conditioned to believe that the purpose in life is to find your one-and-only and revolve your whole life around that person. but in my case, the fact that i haven't had great luck with guys is just another testament to me that my life is destined for so much more than focusing on getting married as soon as possible. what if i did dwell on the fact that i didn't have a boyfriend and was consumed in the pursuit? my focus would be totally off and i would probably end up settling for something less than what i'm capable of having, just to accomplish the one goal of being able to say that somebody wants and loves me.

I have friends who are counting down the days until they're 18 like, "ohhh my gosh, 10 more months till i'm 18...then i can get married!!!!!" as if 18 was the magical age that allowed that freedom or sudden maturation. the thought of getting married in 11 months freaks me out, and i've had nightmares about it. i believe that i'm relatively mature, but in my mind i'm still a kid who has a lottttt of growing/learning/LIVING to do before i give myself up to become a wife and before i feel ready to teach/raise OTHER human beings, other than myself. e.g--. children. gahhh scary. and to think my friends are anticipating it, wow FREAKS me out.

But then again, i believe that is the beauty in it all: we are all here for different purposes. as for my friends, i almost feel a jealousy that they know for a fact that that is what they are meant to do, getting married young. but for me, i just know that that's not it.

Don't get me wrong though, i toooootally know i'm going to get married and that is one of my life goals. and another thought i've had is that marriage is one of the most sacred ordainances given to us by God, and I look around me and i often feel like marriage proposals are equivalent to prom dates. you get asked in a clever, cheesy way by a guy you're sorta close with, make some quick plans, and then it happens. but for me, i hope when the time comes for me, that i will know the guy verrrrry well. all his strenths, weaknesses, attributes, vices, etc... heck, i'm going to be spending eternity with him!

well i don't know what prompted this random post....i guess it's just consumed my thoughts a lot lately, or moreso it's been coupled with my thoughts about..............
COLLEGE!:) go sun devils:) ha just kidding!!!!!..maybe

Playing Catch-up

The past couple weeks have been insane. I look back on my schedule from past weeks that were so busy, and I just wonder, how the heck did I get through that week?! well 2 weeks ago on monday, i lost 1.8 for a total of 17 pounds. and then a few days ago i wasn't able to go to weight watchers but I figure by now my total is probably between 20 and 25 pounds. It feels so good to be that much lighter! I'm starting to love myself and be proud of myself.

Well, some other exciting news, auditions for the school musical were a few days ago and callbacks were last night, and the show is cast, and I GOT A PART! the show we're doing is called Aida. and there are not that many leads, only 3 female leads and 2 male leads. well, i got one of the female leads:) my part is Nehebka. I'm so excited, and I feel so lucky and blessed to have gotten a part. I can't wait to start rehearsals, I love the cast and it is going to be so fun!

Hope everyone has a fabulous thanksgiving! Some pointers I'll be following for tomorrow when it comes to feasting on that delicious meal......
-Eat breakfast/lunch before your thanksgiving feast! even if it's just a piece of fruit or something little, it will help you show up not feeling totally famined and starving, and will help avoid SUPER overeating. (yes it is thanksgiving, we will all "over-eat", but let's not kill ourselves) :)
-Only pick food items that you are just dying to eat. For me, there are some thanksgiving foods that I always just sort of eat, because you're supposed! foods like turkey and stuffing....but turkey and stuffing I don't really even like very much! so avoid "obligation" foods that you won't even really enjoy.
-Don't get seconds. I used to always think at thanksgiving, "well, i'm just getting seconds because I didn't have room on my plate for everything I wanted the first time around". haha oh this is so bad! if that happens, um HELLO! definitely a sign you need to get smaller portions or not as much food, or if you want to cheat, just stack food on top of the other so you don't technically have to get seconds.:)
-Enjoy yourself, and enjoy your food! ummm hello, on this diet, i think the last time I actually enjoyed what I was eating was....um yeah I honestly can't remember. but I freaking love thanksgiving food! so i am going to enjoy it and just know it's a holiday, and i have a lot to be thankful for, including one delicious splurging meal:)

Speaking of being thankful, today we had an amazing lesson in gratitude in seminary, perfect for thanksgiving time. Some thoughts I'd like to share...

I am 1 in 2,500 people (out of ALL of Heavenly Father's children) who was born in the United States, and born into the gospel. WOW. That right there makes me feel so lucky and blessed. And not even to mention talents, abilities, a supportive family, good friends, and so many other blessings. When I think about that, I can't believe how much I complain and how MISERABLE i make myself whenever I'm ungrateful or want something more or think my life could be so better. It sounds cliche, but let's really count all our blessings this year and instead of thinking what we don't have, let's think of all that we do have and how blessed we are!!

love, haylee

Four Pounds and illegal immigration

Last week, I lost 4 pounds! i was so proud of myself! I really had to crack down after my one-pound let down the week before. Total so far? 15.2. And the best part about all this? people noticing and complimenting me:) BEST. FEELING. EVER. I've gotta make this quick, cuz I've got LOTS of homework to do...but I'll just end on a thought..

This book I'm reading for English, it's called the Tortilla Curtain. It's set in southern california in the early 90's and deals with a lot of issues and themes that our country (especially Arizona) is facing right now, with illegal immigration and what not. I'm only about half way through the book so far, but before I read it, my mind was set in what my dad and other adults had raised me to think (and i love my dad to death and still respect him and his opinions 100%) but, just that all Mexicans are bad criminals and need to get out of here. But reading this book has helped me see the other side of it..the perspective of an illegal couple living without a home and doing anything they can to fulfill the American dream. And there's also the other point of view of a white American couple who shares the same beliefs as the average white person living in Arizona/California who has to deal with these issues. So it's very interesting.

But anyway, I just really love being able to form my own opinion and think about things differently, not just how adults have told me; although i HAVE stuck with most of the ideas that i've been taught growing up:) The Tortilla Curtain, a very thought provoking book. I LOVE books that get you thinking. NOT just that entertain you. I've learned to appreciate the fact that just because a book is harder to read or it may seem slow, it doesn't mean it's not good or boring! It just means that there is so much to think about! Ahh love it. Love reading.....which i better go do:) Have a good week!

Chugging Along....

Yay, for once, a post NOT totally centered around losing weight! ha. well for anyone who cares, this week I lost one pound even. That's the smallest amount I've lost so far, but eh whatever, I'm just so glad I didn't gain weight! with my aunt Briley's wedding, and Halloween, it was a CRAZY, HECTIC week and I didn't really stay on plan..but i will take a pound! so my total now, 11.2 pounds lost. :) not bad. just gotta keep chuggin' along!


Speaking of Briley's wedding and Halloween, here are some fun pictures:)
Briley looked soooo pretty. and everything about the wedding was just fabulous!:) including epic dancing/partying at the reception:) I only lost my voice..yep:)

And for Halloween, ohhhh boy. haha. A whole big group of us went to Schnepf farms on Saturday night. We were a big nerd-herd slash gang with some adorable nerds and swaggin' gangstas! Oh and I think there was a christmas elf and fairy thrown in the mix too;)

Representtttt

fre-e-e-e-fressshhhhhh.

oh yeah...rollin' like a big shot..

this is how we livvve

G'ing it up at Taco Bell

I had to get out of character for just a few smiley pictures:)

And on Sunday night, I kept the commandments and lived it up doing lots of makeup work from missing school thursday and friday from the wedding.:)

I also have THE busiest month ahead of me. Holy crap. Like, every single day has something in it. I've got choir-president-duties to deal with, research papers, solo and ensemble/regional auditions, y.w. in excellence i have to do a project for, the school's musical auditions/rehearsals quickly approaching, my piano students' recital next week.....AHHH! How am I going to balance everything?! and with the holidays coming soon?! ahh! I can' do it! Psh, wait yes I can. How? prayer, reading your scriptures and going to church every week! ha jk, that was my attempt to be funny...ha..haha...hahahaha:) ok by everyone!!!:)

feelin' like a star, you can't stop my shine....

Today I reached a big goal! This week I lost 1.8 for a total of 10 pounds! Like I've said earlier, I've registered and re-registered for weight watchers probably a total of about 8 times....and only ONCE have I actually gotten to 10 pounds. and that time, it was when I was a lot younger and my goal was to lose only 10 pounds. Haha:) well I still obviously have a lot to go, and am no-where near lifetime, but I'm getting there.

And tonight, my friends Kelsey, Savannah, Stephanie, and Taylor and I all went running at a track. This weather is so perfect and amazing and I felt soooo good. Before, I only limited myself to the gym. And I've realized that i HATE the tread mill. It's the devil. But running on the track in the cool night air, without my ipod, able to run to the beat of my own thoughts...it's sort of indescribable:) I feel so good. I can't say that enough. all this hard work has really paid off. a few people have been telling me they can tell I've lost weight. for me, that is such an awesome thing to hear. this makes all the hard work and sacrifice more than worth it.

Well jeez...I feel like all I've been talking about on here is losing weight! umm...well lately I've just been busy with school (of course), stress, teaching piano, hanging out with friends, the usual:) I've been loving life. I feel so blessed by my Heavenly Father. The past few years have not been the easiest. And now I'm realizing that it's true that Heavenly Father will always pull through in the end and support us and bless us if we remain faithful during our struggles. And I'm so grateful for the past few years because if every little thing didn't happen exactly the way it did, I wouldn't be the person I am today. That also makes me so excited for the future for more opportunities to learn grow, experience things, strengthen my testimony, and learn from different trials. I'm so grateful for life and the Plan and Heavenly Father and my Savior and my family and my friends. I hope everyone has a wonderful week:)

Busy, Busy

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. This week I started school again, and oh, how I miss being on break!:( But i was able to get right back in the swing of things and thankfully, keep up all my good habits that i established while i was on break. This past monday, I lost 1.6. So now my total is 8.4 in three weeks. i can't complain:) We're basically all moved into our new house now, and I'm loving it. Today I'm going to try to have a really productive day and get lots done, mainly getting my room all together. I need to buy some paint to re-do my frames/wall-hangings and stuff so hopefully I get a lot done.:) hope you all have a good weekend!!!

Here are some pictures my friend Alora took of me last week:)

Wow...Didn't See That Coming!

Well, tonight was the weigh-in! I wasn't nervous because I knew I had lost weight. I could physically feel it. I thought I'd have a good couple pounds under my belt. Well after dealing with the cranky old lady receptionist who yelled at me for not having my goal weight yet, and then making me go buy something at Starbucks because she didn't have change for a 20 (and this caused me to be late for the meeting), I stepped on the scale. And the cranky old lady's face suddenly got really surprised. And she said...."Wow...you lost 5.2. Good job!" HAHA! I was so excited! Ahhh.:) I've never lost that much in one week!

And then later in the meeting they were talking about exercise, and the leader said, "You know it IS possible to lose weight without exercising..." Then I was gonna raise my hand and say, "YEAH! i just lost 5 lbs and I sat on my butt all week!" but I didn't say that.:) And good thing, because she continued, "BUT, why is it important to exercise?....blah blah blah.." Ha.

So yeah game-plan for this week? Well basically I know that if I don't be as psycho as I was last week (if not psycho-er), then I will gain weight, even if I follow the exact weight watchers plan perfectly (which would include eating ALL of my points, which i have NOT been doing).

So this week, it's going to be exercise, on top of eating like a Nazi. Me and my cuzzy Hannah already have it planned to go running every day. And quite frankly, there is nothing I hate more in the world than exercise. Ok well maybe a few things, like liberals, stupid teachers, and annoying people...but that's for another post. Point is, I hate hate hate it. I dread it. I avoid it. I feel like I'm going to die when I do it. But ya know, I can't lie, when i do do it, AFTERWARDS, I guess I do feel pretty good:) but then hate it again the next morning when I can't walk from soreness. So this is going to be my challenge this week. Hope you all have a good week! Peace out!

Progress

I really didn't want to do another post about my new eating habits and such, but it's been my main focus lately and it really has been a big part of my life, just in the past couple weeks!

The past few days, I have been psycho about what I've been eating. I don't know if it's even healthy, obsessing over all this healthy food. I am learning to embrace hunger, but in an extreme way. Now, no-one freak out, I am not starving myself or depriving myself by any means, but I've just been really focusing on getting used to less food and the only way to do that is to quit eating when I KNOW i've had enough. And I've realized that about a half hour later, that "not done eating" feeling that my brain tricks my stomach into thinking totally goes away and I feel perfectly fine.

My mom and I also went to Sprouts a couple days ago and went CRAZY. I LOVE eating healthy and one day, I want to be one of those psycho people who buy nothing but organic:) haha but at Sprouts, we got all sorts of fruits, veggies, psyllium husk, flax seed, almonds, La Tortilla Factory tortillas (holy cow, miracle food), and cracked wheat bread (another amazing low-calorie food). I was a happy girl:)

The only down side of this super-conscious eating is that when I'm in situations like I was tonight, it makes it super hard to let myself endulge even a little bit.

But tonight's Sunday family dinner was a milestone.

It was probably the first time in a reeeeally long time that I didn't get seconds. And the first time in a reeeeally long time I didn't get dessert. Like seriously, before- I LIVED FOR DESSERT! And I know on weight watchers, you shouldn't deprive yourself and there's no foods that you can't eat, but I refused to let this whole week go by so perfectly food-wise, and then ruin it by having dessert. I did have to leave the dinner a little early to avoid the extreme temptation (haha) BUT on the way home I felt SO good. 1-because I really watched my portions and I didn't have that super-stuffed feeling I usually get after Sunday dinner. and 2-because I didn't eat dessert and on the way home, once I left, the thought of the desserts didn't even appeal to me anymore. This is seriously like a miracle to me! And I'm sure that my weigh-in tomorrow wouldn't have been totally affected if I had dessert, but by not eating it, I proved to myself that if I was able to overcome my biggest temptation (being dessert), I can really do anything. And it boosted my confidence in what I'm doing SO much.

This week is my last week of break so it still should be pretty easy to continue to do very well, especially with all my new food from Sprouts:) But the only thing I'm really worried about is starting school again next week. I know how I get when I'm in school. Eating is the WORST. I don't eat breakfast, I have a random snack for lunch, then when I get home around 2:30 (usually really hungry), I go psycho and eat about 3 meals worth of food, then eat dinner at around 8. Ahhh it sounds even more awful now that I type it. BUT IT IS GOING TO CHANGE. And I've got to come up with a master-sneaky-plan to stop it. And that's what I will be doing all this week as I munch on my carrots and chug down my psyllium husk!:) muhahah:) until then, peace out!

The Dreaded Weight-Loss Post...

I've been blogging for about 3 years. And I've never talked about this. Not once. This, being weight loss. I might have mentioned little things, like "oh I'm really going to try to work out!" or things like that. But this topic is really part of who I am, well more like, the need for weight loss-is a big part of who I am. And I think I've never talked about it because I didn't want to accept it, or I just didn't think it was a big deal.

But now I'm talking about it because I'm finally serious about change.

I've always been heavier. I remember being bribed with $10.00 for every pound I lost when I was eight years old. Back then, I didn't think much of it, and it really didn't have much effect on me then (thank goodness). I just thought, Oh yep I should lose weight! But now that I think back on it, I can't think of a more horrible thing-bribing an EIGHT year old to lose weight. 

But now I am almost 17 years old, and I am doing this for ME. Not because my mom says I should. Or the doctor says I should. But because I know that the ugly truth is- if I want to FULLY live life, I need to do this. For real. 

As we've looked at my weight patterns starting from when I was about 8 or 9, on average, I've gained 15 pounds per year, without fail. And I still am gaining. It is out of control. The only time I broke this pattern was when I was in between 5th and 6th grade, instead of 15 lbs, I gained FIFTY pounds in that year. And that was the year we moved from Mesa to Queen Creek. That is the apitamy of my life right there- whenever there's change or hard times or stressful times, or anything like that-I react with food and bad habits. 

I will always and forever question why THIS had to be my trial in life, but it is, and I need to deal with it and respond appropriately. 

Going back to what I said earlier, I kind of joke that I've been on Weight Watchers since I was about 8. I've probably stopped and re-started it about 10 times. I would go for a few weeks, lose about 10 pounds then quit, and the cycle would start again about a year later. But when I think about it, when i WAS doing the program for real, it worked! and it teaches you how to eat CORRECTLY and the correct AMOUNT of food to eat. Not just eat this, this, and this to lose weight FAST...(then gain it back a month later). 

So my point is, I've decided to do it again. But this time, I'M the one who's choosing to do it and who ACTUALLY wants it to work. I'LL be doing the 30 min. drive every week with MY gas money and I'LL be the one paying for it every week. I know this will keep me motivated to go and confirm to me that this is MY choice. 

I've always wanted to lose weight more than anything in the world. Ever since I can remember, every birthday blowing out the candles, I would think, "I wish I was skinny". So I don't lack the desire or the motivation. I also know HOW to lose weight and I have the means and I'm totally capable. So honestly, I don't know what it actually is that I lack and why I've never been successful, but this journey is going to be figuring it out what it was that I lacked and hopefully I'll have IT (whatever IT is) when I'm successful. 

But for now, all I can do is TRY. And try harder than I've ever tried.

and for the past week and 2 days, I've done nothing but TRY. and my first week, I lost 1.6. It's not that much, but it's a START. and I know that the slower I lose it, the longer I'll keep it off. And the point of this is to not only lose weight, but to also train my body to get used to less food. And it will be hard at first (I already know this because it HAS been hard, the last week and 2 days), but I've realized that it's all about the end result. And even though I may be hungry in the moment, I've already noticed that as the days go on, the less hungry I become. My body is already responding:) and that's my goal. 

So I'll be doing the Weight Watchers program which is a simple yet leniant point-system, and on top of that, I have a few rules for myself. They are: 

#1: no eating past 6pm. This is extreme but it all has to do with planning my meals and when I eat them, and it's worked. I've always tended to make extra-bad food choices at night, so I really think this will help. This also makes waking up in the morning SO much easier knowing that I did good the day before, and I can't mess everything all up, and I need to start the day putting GOOD food in my body. That goes into the next one.... 

#2: Don't eat anything that is not doing my body any good, no matter how few points it may be. My food choices have been really conscious and I'm really trying to choose foods from the basic food groups and hardly any crap, when before all I would eat is crap and processed food-like substances. And it's true what they say...old habits die hard. reeeeally hard.

#3: Drink TONS of water. We're talking like 80 oz a day! Man I've been peeing like Seabiscuit lately, but drinking a lot of water makes me feel so good! 

Well... that is basically it! Like I said, it's HARD! but i NEED to do it. I'll post every monday (weigh in day) with my results of how I did for that week. I think that will be a good way for me to stay accountable!

Wish me luck!:)

What a Wonderful Week

Remember my list of goals that I set on Monday for the week to run more smoothly? Well, here is an update! My week was so good. Best week I've had in a while!:)

1. no facebook....ok so maybe this one didn't go too well.. I still went on it.. but not very often! before, I would catch myself on there and hours would fly by and I still would have a big pile of homework waiting for me, but this week I still went on, but only a few minutes a day. Everything in moderation, right?:)
2. Starting homework right away instead of procrastinating till 8 or 9:00....this went so amazingly! I would start around 3 or 4 and by 7:00 I would be so confused because there was nothing else I needed to get done! haha that feeling is the best kind of high:) then I could relax and read a book (that I wasn't for my English class, haha) or just have leizure time, which on a school night, is rare for me to have without knowing I had homework waiting for me. I could also do the homework with more concentration and focus, because that's very difficult when you're drifting to sleep and you're trying to analyze a poem or multiply matrices. Ahhhh this one was best on my list.
3. Go to bed before 11...psh this one I didn't even have to think about! I was in bed no later than 9:30 every night. And it was all because of number 2:) And it's so amazing how my week was just better and I was just happier in general when I was running on 7 hours of sleep instead of like...4:)
4. Finish every homework assignmet....yes I finished everything! every night! and again, I'm tellin' ya! it was all because of number 2!!
5. Wash my face every night.... ehh yeah this went well for the most part. I think 1 or 2 days I didn't wash my face...but I'm just trying to get in the habit. and my face is starting to clear up a little:)
6. wash my hair at least every 2 days.... ahaha. nope, failed. I washed my hair on Sunday and then yesterday, on Friday. Don't judge me people. hahahaha. oh well, at least this didn't affect how my week went:)
7. No teasing my hair....another BAHAHAHAH moment. I lasted Monday without teasing it and after Monday, I couldn't do it again. Just one of those things.... but oh well, I'm sure if I followed through on this one, I would feel ugly and hideous every day and that would sorta make my week not as wonderful.

So there ya have it. My wonderful, productive week. Now I know that in order for mostly everything to go smoothly ALL THE TIME, I just need to do #2 every single day. I think my junior year is going to be soooo different if I do.

Some random thoughts.....

I have been loving my friend Alyssa's blog. We were best friends in middle school and she just left a couple weeks ago to be a foreign exchange student in FRANCE! yes I know, but if anyone can do it, it's her! she is so dang smart! Her blog is so entertaining and I love reading it. It makes me feel somewhat cultured, through all the culture she is soaking up:)

My school is doing Les Miserables for our spring play.:) I know, insane. You're probably thinking a high school could never put on Les Mis....And you're probably right:) haha but we'll see! and my choir has been working on a medley for it, so I've been sort of obsessing over it for the past couple weeks. I've never seen the actual play, but I watched the whole 10th anniversary concert on youtube and it is just amazzzzzzzzzzing. Ahhh. Here is my dream role...Fantine....I know I'm crazy.....:) watch this. Holy heavens, Ruthie Henshall.....amazing.

I'm playing a piano solo in church tomorrow, so I've been working on that a lot...hmmm

Oh and WE'RE MOVING in a couple weeks!!! I'm way excited because our new house is literally twice as big as our house now, and I'm so excited to be in my new ward!:) And the new house is only a couple miles down the road, so not too drastic of a change! But at the same time, I'm gonna miss my ward now, and It's going to be a big change, moving from the house you've known for the past 6 years! that's like about a third of my life! But oh well, the fact that Brinley and I get our own bathroom makes up for everything sad!:) ha jk, but seriously.

Well...that's about it! Hope everyone has a splendid weekend!:)

gOaLs

I need to set some goals this week. Last week was awful (see previous post. that was like my breaking point of stress). You'd think with having Monday off last week it wouldn't be bad, but it actually was. And I even missed school on Wednesday because I felt so overwhelmed by so much going on like... being behind of homework, not having done laundry in weeks, not washing my hair in days (you know it's bad when you don't have time for that), drama going on, and being so incredibly sleep deprived, like I've never been in my life.....

But now that I look back on last week, I could have done a lot more to prevent that. One thing was not getting my facebook back. Ahhhh. I'm so ashamed. Especially after I ranted on here a couple weeks ago about how my life was soooo good without it. So with facebook and not managing my time in general, me being soooo stressed out was pretty much my fault. So this week is going to be different. I'm going to come up with some goals. Just for this week. Then hopefully eventually I'll be able to make them habits and make them who I am and how I do things.

1. NO FACEBOOK
2. start homework RIGHT when I get home from school and only stop to teach piano
3. go to bed before 11. (this one is going to be hard but I know if I do it, it'll make a HUGE difference)
4. FINISH. EVERY. HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT. there is nothing worse than going to school knowing there's some things you didn't get done. ahhh. maybe that's another reason last week gave me such bad vibes, because I was going into almost every, class every day, without having some assignment done or some test that I wasn't prepared for.
5. Wash my face every night. Last week, that definitely got away from me. And my poor, zitty face is definitely a result of that.
6. Wash my hair at least every 2 days. This is honestly going to be hard. I just can't explain how much time it takes when I wash it. Longer time in the shower (when i could be SLEEPING), then more time doing it in the morning (when I could be SLEEPING). and plus, when I don't wash it as much, it turns out soooo much cuter. So why waste time washing when it's even cuter dirty? well...because I want my hair to be healthy for once!
7. Another hair goal, no poofing hair. Today was the first day in probably 2 years I went out into public without it teased. And i wanted to throw up every time I looked in the mirror. Literally. I feel like it's so flat against my face and stringy and sickening and makes me look 50x fatter when it's not poofed, but I know it's all in my head. I'm going to try to go a week without teasing it to get myself used to it-visually- so i can eventually stop doing it all together so I can eventually get healthy hair again. Wow i sound like a drug addict! HAHA

Ok there are my goals. Most serious, some silly. I can't promise I'll blog anytime in the next week...actually I'm going to promise that i WON'T blog in the next week...so I don't get sidetracked...but I will promise to have an update next weekend how my goals went!

Wish me luck, I really need this to happen if I want to be able to balance my life for the next 9 months. (ok that sounds like I'm pregnant. I mean the next 9 months of my junior year). :)

Ultimate Goal = 4.0 all four years ............and temple marriage, of course:)

love, HayHay

I'm tired. It's been a loooooong past couple weeks. And all I can say is....
-if freshman/sophomore year were 1's on the "stressful" scale, junior year is a 10
-why does every teacher expect THEIR class to be our #1 priority? does it have to be impossible to be successful at everything?!
-what would i do without sparknotes??
-sacrificing to go to the Temple to do baptisms WILL bring me blessings
-what is our society coming to where there is a brand of underwear with butt padding? ("booty-pop", look it up)

love, haylee

prioritizing

Over the weekend, I bought a new phone. About a month ago, my phone would randomly decide to go out of service for like an hour, then randomly come back when it wanted to. So annoying, but I dealt with it. Now, I know that because of the whole A.C.-button-fiasco, you all are thinking, well why didn't you just turn your phone off and turn it back on?! Well to all you hata's- I did. I did everything. It would just come back whenever it wanted. Anywho, a few days ago, it got to the point where the service never came back even after multiple hours. And the battery wouldn't hold a charge for more than a few minutes, so.....I just thought, ehhh. This phone's served me a good two years, it's probably time that I get another one anyways.

So we went to the T-CRAP-ile store, and much to my dismay, I found out that after 9 faithful years of being customers to T-CRAP-ile, my parents took themselves off contract and are on a plan that's unlimited everything for a set amount every month without being on contract, but the only bad thing is that when your phone busts like mine did, you have to pay full price for a new one. So a phone that would have cost me $100 on contract, ended up costing me $300. And I agreed to pay for it.

And now, 2 days later, I feel awful.

I love my new phone and I definitely needed it, but my mom gave me one of those lectures (actually more like 3 sentence-long speeches) that can make you feel like crap about what you did, much more effectively than a punishment. She basically said that after all these years, she thought she taught me how to save money, look for deals, and only buy necessities. {siiiighhhhh}. I thought she taught me that too, but ehhhh.... I guess not.

Oh well. Life lessons. Actually speaking of effective punishments, during my mom's relief society lesson she announced somehow that I bought a $300 phone-much to her disappointment-and everyone turned around and looked at me and laughed. Whatever.

Anyways. My point is, that maybe I should really start prioritizing my life. Like how I budget my little bit that comes in from my piano students every month. And the other thing I HATE to admit to, is that I'm awful about paying my tithing. I do it, but I don't do it monthly. I'll just sort of guess-timate how much I've made since the last time I paid and grab a few 20's from my wallet and call it good. That really needs to stop.

I also could be spending my money on stuff that's more important to me like: the stuff I need to finish re-doing my bedroom; the money for an expensive calculator I need; some money to go get my oil changed in the Red Devil; a little bit to go get my hair done....etc..... Ok, so maybe that last one shouldn't really be at the top of my list but hey.....anyone can look at the nappiness at the top of my head and will agree it is a necessity. Alright well I'm glad I got some of those thoughts off my mind. I guess I'm gonna put this priority goal into use and go work on homework, or something.

From the bottom of my corazon,

Haylee

Meet The Red Devil

This is The Red Devil. It's my car:) basically, I love it.

It got its name from....well actually I don't know. I think, one day I was driving friends around and I had to do something that I thought would only take about 10 minutes so I said, you guys can just wait in the car, I won't be that long.. Well I actually ended up taking about 30 minutes and my poor friends were trapped inside the hot, smoker-smelling car. And from that day on, it's forever been called the Red Devil.:)

Well that was about 3 months ago when I first got it, and now the smoker smell is pretty much gone and the Red Devil has been through some crazy times!!:) Some things I love about the Red Devil:

1) The driver's side door is broken from the inside so if I want to get out, I have to roll down the window, reach outside, and open the door from there.
2) The windows are manual so I'm cranking my window up and down about a hundred times a day to get out.
3) There is a huge crack going across 3/4 of the window.
4) I can go from 0 to 60 in about.......5 minutes.
5) Whenever I try to go from 0 to 60 in FASTER than 5 minutes, the engine shifts extremely violently and I feel like I'm going to go flying out the windshield.
6) The passenger side door doesn't lock.... I probably shouldn't announce that..
7) It likes to play tricks on me and think that my A.C is broken for the whole month of July, when all I really needed to do was push the A.C button.....that was fun...
8) The window tinting is peeling off reeeeally bad on all the windows so....it's basically a classy car in general.
9) The brakes are reeeeally sensitive so when my friends and I wanna be our true gangsta selves, I can bump the brakes really hard to the beat of our gangsta-lovin' music.
10) The LAST thing I love about my Red Devil is that there's no better car in the world for ME and I wouldn't trade it in for any other car!:)

Post #1

Well, I started a new blog. Nothing was wrong with the old blog. And it even would have been a whole lot easier to just keep that blog. But getting a new blog is representing a lot of new changes in my life. Nothing drastic, at least they may not seem so to others, but for me, with the start of junior year, I've really been trying to change things!:)

The biggest thing was getting rid of my Facebook. It truly was an addiction. The thrill of logging on. Checking notifications. Reading messages. Accepting friend requests. Browsing what 800 people are up to. Then noticing that 2 hours has gone by in a blink. And what got accomplished in those two hours? Nothing, except I was cought up on who's hanging out with who, who's going where, what's going on with this person who i barely know. It's a crazy thing! And like I said, I was so addicted. One day about two weeks ago, I just went and deactivated my account. Cold Turkey. I thought, pshhh, I'm gonna be riiiiight back on here tomorrow. But actually, to my total and utter surprise, it was the biggest burden off my shoulders. It felt in comparison to having a huge project due and always knowing in the back of your mind you have to work on it, then finally finishing it, then that amazing feeling of knowing you don't have to work on it anymore and can be doing other things. Strange analogy, I know, but at first I was always thinking, yessssss....I don't have to get on Facebook so instead, I can do this, this, and this. And the weird thing is, I never had to go on it, but just the thought of some kind of notification or message was waiting for me if I didn't log kept me getting on every spare second. So actually deleting it and knowing that I wouldn't be missing anything has set me free.

Now in those multiple hours a day that I'm not on Facebook, I am accomplishing things and being so productive. And it's been life-changing!:) On that note, something to think about--what would happen if EVERYONE in the world gave up facebook? Or t.v watching? Or any other mindless and pointless thing that takes up so much time? The world would change. The speed of the evolution of our society would increase unimaginably. What are some things in your life you can cut out, or at list limit? I know I am sounding preachy and weird, but getting rid of my facebook was such a lifted burden. Now I have time to improve my wellness all around by practicing piano/voice more; spending more time on homework (not just doing what's due the next day), but truly studying and not procrastinating (and I've already seen the result of it through my grades); reading the scriptures/working on Personal Progress more, spending real time with friends, as opposed to interacting through facebook; reading more books; working out more; and starting this blog.

Unlike my other blog, I really don't care how many people read it or comment, and I'm not going to write my posts based on what other people want to read, but more what I want to say. And I'm going to try to do this mostly in a journal format.

Well, now I'll wrap up this wordy "introduction." Sorry for the serious tone of this post, for those of you who know me, it's really not like me at all, but in the future, look forward to more posts about my new, more productive life:) They'll be more fun and crazy, because let's face it, I'm Mormon and 16! I kinda sorta know how to party!:)

Peace out!
Love, Hootie