The Awkward Just-graduated-high-school-but-haven't-started-college-yet Phase

Wow, I haven't blogged in quite some time, therefore this new Blogger format looks slightly confusing. It looks like Blogger's trying to become more like Tumblr or any of those other hipster social networking sites that I know nothing about. Oh well...I sit here on the computer (like I've been doing a lot as a person fallen victim to the awkward just-graduated-high-school-but-haven't-started-college-yet phase) and I feel like I have nothing to do, yet so much to do.

I've felt rather strange the past couple weeks, knowing that I'm done with high school. But I would say it's 99% relief, maybe 1% thinking that I'm going to miss it. High school was a very shaping and adventurous time for me, but I'm so glad that I will never have to deal with the drama, immaturity, ignorance, busy work, and stress that comes with high school. Now I know that in life, you'll never avoid such annoyances completely, but being in one place for four years, you just get sick of it. Sick of the people, teachers, staff (even if such people were really great - which, at my school, I did get to know some really awesome people). I just am ready for a change. A new adventure.

When I weigh in my mind which is better... Being overwhelmed with school, homework, performances, college planning, etc, during the school year, or having nothing to do during the summer and the feeling of having no purpose, I begin to wonder what life really means. During the school year I would constantly remind myself, "Just hold out until summer. Endure to the end. You won't have a care in the world and everything will be great and stress-free." And now that summer's here, I tell myself, "Wait until August. Then you'll finally be able to get into the productive swing of things." After reflecting on this nonsense, I've realized that I can choose to be happy during the busy times by being grateful that I have so many opportunities, and I can also be happy during the boring times by choosing to enjoy the relaxation. I don't always have to be miserable and complaining :)

So far my summer has consisted of browsing (for hours probably) on Pinterst, teaching a piano lesson here and there, laying out in the pool while trying to convince myself it is ok to maybe look like a Dorito), and stressing about college enrollment yet doing nothing about it. Okay, maybe that's a lie... I have called, emailed, asked questions, tried to get the financial situation smoothed over. But it's rather difficult when nobody is helpful! For those of you who don't know my college plans, I'm going up to NAU in August as a music major. And frankly, NAU has been terrible so far about answering questions, clearing confusion, etc. But hopefully when I go to New Student Orientation next week, all my questions will be answered, confusion will be ironed out, and stress will be relieved...that is, until the first day that classes start in August. :)

In the meantime, I desperately need to come up with some structured schedule for the rest of the summer. Let's face it. Going to bed at 1 a.m every night, waking up at 11 every morning, eating crap food all day long, sitting on my butt wallowing in my satisfaction that I no longer have any obligation to anyone in that hell-hole called Queen Creek High School all make me feel like garbage, crap, poop, any other word you'd like to call it. I need to...Get active. Start eating better. Function off to-do lists again (can't deny it--they help me be my best), even if the tasks I have "to do" are self explanitory, like "take a shower....call NAU about x, y, z." I NEED STRUCTURE!

So when I'm in my first year of college and crumbling under stress, I should come back to this post and remind myself how I crumble when I have no stress, too! Ahhhh life.

While I'm thinking about it, I think I'll share some great Pins that I've come upon that have motivated me to get off my booty. Maybe after that, I'll share some other pins of scrumptious looking desserts!

Oh yeaaaah...I'm going to Newport Beach in T-minus 22 days. Hmm...22 days. Let's see what I can do, ehh? :)

Philosophical Thoughts From a Sleep Deprived Student

It is 1:30 a.m. A school night. And I am awake.

Considering the fact that tomorrow, I am obligated to wake up MORE than 8 minutes before I have to leave because I have to dress up to speak in Seminary conference, I know I must continue to sit here at the computer and waste time. How does that make sense, you may ask? Well, I find that when I get a full 6-8 hours of sleep, it is so painfully difficult to drag myself out of bed into the unholy hours of the morning. But when I go to sleep at even more unholy hours (like 2 or 3 am), I shoot straight out of bed a couple hours later and feel ready to tackle the day. Anyone else experience this strangeness? So, knowing that I shouldn't go to bed yet for my own benefit at wakey-wake time, I've decided I must sit here and blog. About what? Great question! Well, I just finished preparing my talk for Seminary conference. I chose to speak on President Eyering's talk because I feel the messages therein are so important for myself and all youth to always remember throughout the often difficult trials of life. However, I also deeply considered speaking on President Uchtdorf's talk entitled The Merciful Obtain Mercy. If you didn't already hear the talk, or you choose not to read the whole thing, at least read this:

That is all now for now, folks.

Oh and P.S. please remember one last thing:

"Be kind. For everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

P.P.S. Any prayers on my behalf that I will be able to wake up tomorrow morning BEFORE 5:57am (I walk out the door at 6:10) would be greatly appreciated:)

Time Flies...Upcoming Changes...The Trek

I've basically forgotten that I even have a blog and looking back on my posts, it's startling to know that my last post was nearly a year ago. It's almost April of my senior year, and boy does time fly. I'll soon be turning 18...the age I always dreamed of but never imagined I would reach. As I sit here in my quiet house in our dark office, procrastinating going to sleep, I can't imagine a better time to reflect on my life thus far and my life to come in the very near future, and how stark the contrast of the two will be. I'll be going up to NAU in August to study choral music education and I couldn't be more thrilled for the change.

No feeling other than total gratitude floods my heart as I think of all that I've been blessed with recently. I have had numerous opportunities to perform and share my passion for music with many people in different areas of church and school. I've taken seriously my efforts in singing and successfully auditioned and been admitted to the music programs at U of A, NAU, and ASU. I was 3rd chair alto in my regional choir and more shockingly 1st chair alto in the Allstate choir. I am so glad to know that all of my recent joy has stemmed from music and the talents that God has blessed me with and I couldn't be more excited to start studying music in-depth in college.

Today was my final day of a great two-week long spring break and surprisingly, I spent the day sleeping and trying to recover from the pioneer trek I participated in on Wednesday through Friday. For those who don't know what a pioneer trek is, we basically don pioneer clothing, push hand carts through rugged terrain for many miles a day, and experience what our pioneer ancestors went through by leaving the world and living as they did for a few days.

I had many reasons not to go on this trek: I am almost 18 (completed with the Church's youth program); most of my friends are 18 and wouldn't be going; I had already been on a trek when I was 14; I was going to be on a special girl time during the days of the trek; I still had things to take care of with college enrollment & housing; I could have been home doing school work, teaching piano, making money, applying for scholarships, etc....I mean, the list goes on and on. And honestly, I couldn't think of one reason TO go. But I strongly felt that I needed to go and so last minute, I headed to Goodwill on Tuesday night to figure out what the heck I would wear on this thing and quickly prepared for what would be the hardest few days ahead of me. I will spare my readers (if I even have any?) the lengthy details of what went on during the trek but what I will do is express my gratitude towards my Heavenly Father for giving me the extra push to go. The trek and the experiences I had on it changed my life and gave me the sealing witness that the gospel is true before I soon go out on my own where I won't have my family or community to encourage me to live the gospel. And between you and me, during the time when I was planning on not going, I felt sort of guilty to Heavenly Father for receiving an outpouring of blessings and yet being so self centered that I couldn't sacrifice 3 days to receive spiritual upliftment. But with a set of swollen black-girl lips and a tomato face later, I sit here in gratitude for the blisters, sunburns, and sore muscles I received, because "in extremes, we draw closer to God."

Well folks, that will be all for now. I genuinely want to be better at posting on here, mainly for selfish reasons since blogging is a good way to journal. But knowing myself, senioritis will get in the way of doing anything productive over the next couple months, and the next time you'll hear from me may be when I'm up at NAU...who knows? So for now, Goodnight!
-Haylee